Environment of Grace

Over the years my wife and I have wrestled with the questions of how to best lead and discipline our children. We've talked to people, read books, watched videos, and then experimented with what works best in our family, with our unique set of personalities.  The conclusion we came to is that there really isn't one right way for each family, and as a matter fact there really isn't one right way with each child!

However,  I believe there is one right environment to create that will give us the best opportunity to train up our children in the way they should go.   It's creating an environment of Grace.

I like the way Dr. Kimmel says it in his book, Grace Based Parenting,  “Grace is simply God’s love showing itself in relational determination.”  In other words, We must be determined to love and connect relationally as God does with us.

See, Grace is experienced through the quality of love and commitment to each other.

It’s saying, "My love for you is not based on your behavior or accomplishments, I love you no matter what!"   That's the way God loves us, and it’s the way we are to love our children.

The role of parents is to connect with the heart of our children in such a way, that we prepare that child to more easily connect with the heart of God.  And it’s the environment of grace we create in our home that helps to make that heart connection happen with our children.


Kurt Brunner calls this the “Likelihood Principle.”  He says, "Teaching values in the context of a loving, affirming relationship can be highly effective.  But, trying to instill values in the context of a relationship that is distant or hostile will simply not work.”

How are we creating an environment of Grace?  Are we quickly loosing our temper or are we patient and gentle?  Are we providing clear boundaries and expectations or are we scattered with all of our do's and dont's, constantly making up new rules to follow?  Do our kids feel like they can invite friends to our home or are they afraid of being embarrassed by the actions of mom and dad?  Do our kids feel that they are only good enough or loved when they perform well in sports, music, dance, school, etc...?  Are the words "I love you" and "I'm proud of you" a regular part our vocabulary?  Do our kids feel like they can come to us for advise and prayer with most situations or issues in their lives? Are we connecting with the heart of our children?

These are just a few questions to ask ourselves on whether or not we are creating an environment of grace.  Here is a great resource if you're looking to learn more about this idea of Grace based parenting.